There's a lot of news already about GOP presidential hopefuls for 2016. In the running we have the union busting crypto-fascist Scott Walker (who doesn't believe in evolution, but looks oddly ape-like), Rick Perry (everyone's favorite racist cowboy), a friendly looking writer and neurosurgeon by the name of Ben Carson, Chris Christie (who looks like the guy who can't make it all the way through Ikea and has to stop and sit on display furniture every couple of minutes, breathing so loudly you can hear him over the rest of the crowd), and Jeb Bush. Might I add as an aside that my state's own inept and sinister governor, Sam Brownback, is not in the running as of yet. That guy shouldn't be allowed to govern a high school prom committee, let alone an entire state.
Now it's too early to even begin to tell who'll get the nomination to run for POTUS from the GOP, never mind what any pundit tells you. The late, great Dr. Hunter S. Thompson turned such speculations into a betting game, and his wagers were fairly accurate. I'm going to attribute that to Thompson's insane genius far outstripping that of even your most intelligent political pundit. That said, all of the hoopla right now seems to indicate Jeb Bush as a potential darling for the Republicans.
As far as Republican scum of the earth goes, Jeb seems fairly innocuous. He looks a smidge'n more intellectually sound than his older brother, the last Bush who held the job in contest. That doesn't mean that I'll vote for the guy. No way, no how. I'm politically unaffiliated, but I steer clear of Republicans. There's a creepy, rich-old-white-guy vibe that they exude that I can't quite come to terms with. That and I came into my full-blown social consciousness during the reign of Jeb's older brother, George W. Bush.
Doesn't he look smart and almost friendly? Appearances can be deceiving. Personally, I have very little knowledge of the man's background save for his family tree and that he was governor of Florida once. Those seem like horrible credentials to flout when vying for the presidency. So your brother is mentally handicapped and you can just barely keep a penis-shaped peninsula that's been turned into one big Jimmy Buffett themed hospice center from sinking into the Gulf of Mexico? Well, shit, my friend! Here are the keys to the little black box that holds the launch codes for the largest stockpile of nuclear weapons in human history!
I jest, of course. George W. Bush was not mentally handicapped, just dangerously close. The man just might go down in history as the president single handedly responsible for putting the final nail in America's superpower sized coffin. I remember an administration rife with racists, anti-immigrant and anti-gay agendas and war-profiteering schemes. I hated George W. Bush with a passion, I mean a fervent fucking passion for many years. I cried when he was reelected, cursing that I was a few months too young to cast my vote against him.
When I think about it now, I kind of like the guy. I mean, I'll never be able to overlook the awful things he did, like botching the whole Katrina thing and starting two of the most embarrassing and globally irresponsible wars in history, but I consider him to be a kind of comically tragic figure. The guy paints portraits now, for gods' sake. He's basically a dumb, rich kid with a coke habit and a love for partying who never grew up and ended up being used by a cabal of some of the worst people ever to pull off the greatest, shittiest heist of all time.
Look! He even feels the same way about babies as I do. Seriously though, I'd love to meet the guy and send him sprawling off the back of the wagon for one night of raucous debauch and discussions about how mesmerizingly evil Dick Cheney was. That would be a damned good time.
So I guess what I'm saying is, no Jeb. Please don't. Your brother made a shitty president, but he seems like a fun guy. You will also, most likely, make a shitty president, but you don't seem half as cool as old George is. Look at that face! The baby's too!
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